DEAR CHESTER

Dear Chester,

My cat keeps knocking things off the counter. Is he trying to tell me something?

—Concerned Human

Chester says:

Yes.

He's trying to tell you that gravity still works, and your decorative clutter offends him.

Cats don't "misbehave." We curate our surroundings. If an object remains on the counter after several inspections, it clearly wasn't important enough to keep.

You're welcome.

Dear Chester,

Which Winther sister is your favorite?

—Curious in Kentucky

Chester says:

I refuse to answer on the grounds that I enjoy sleeping indoors.

Also, favorites create expectations. Expectations lead to disappointment. Disappointment leads to fewer treats.

I am many things, but reckless is not one of them.

Dear Chester,

I'm visiting Whisper Grove for the first time. Any advice?

—New in Town

Chester says:

Certainly.

Don't trust anything that glows after midnight.

Never interrupt a witch during her first cup of coffee. Or second.

If someone tells you, "It's probably nothing," assume it's a curse, a ghost, or contagious rash.

And if you happen to see a remarkably handsome black cat watching from a porch, show the proper respect. I accept compliments, chin scratches (sparingly), and premium tuna.

Mostly premium tuna.